Father’s day

Ever had a days when you literally envy other people? Days when you feel like you would want to carry someone else’s pain and longing just until midnight? Father’s day is one for me.

I always have the freedom to write about my pain, longing, sadness and never really try to convey my husband’s pain.  I’m trying today, 00:20, 20.06.2017, I’m trying.

He has a kind heart with a very very stubborn streak. He does not like to be corrected. He goes on the defense if you get too close to the truth but today, as always, he’s also a longing parent, even still a grieving parent.

He hides it well, his excitement. I know he can’t wait for our family to start the road to completion. He had doubts whether he could love a child as his own but all his doubts dissappeared with having Will around. He feels for and with that boy.  It’s like he is his own. This I know for sure, it wont matter how our family comes to be, that same love, heart and passion will follow with whatever child enters our home, he/she will be ours.

Many days I think about this and we have had many conversations about this…a lot op people get things easily, children, jobs, money, you name it. We are not those people. We believe that God leaves the struggles for His strongest soldiers, knowing that we can handle disappointment after disappointment after…that we have faith in His promises and love for us…that each set back is making us stronger in our beliefs as we hold onto the promises our Father made.

So father’s day is another one that makes you grab onto belief that his time will come and he will appreciate is so much more than many others will because he fought for years to get there.  

We wont know what the following years will bring but no one can tell me that adopted children will be worse than own. I have only 1 sister, who didn’t bother to even text a mother’s day or father’s day wish to our own parents, it’s like she fell out of the sky and just appeared and that is blood. She ultimately makes me believe that our children wont need our DNA to be ours because we share DNA and she doesn’t want to be apart of it.

So for this year 2017, we sat out these days again, celebrating other fathers, our fathers, brothers, cousins. Praying for 2018 to be the time where the fuss will be for him on this day, so much fuss that it will make him feel uncomfortable…for real.

Till next time…