Making this holiday season count

Our first Christmas as a family of 3 and a possible new New Years Eve tradition.

We had our first holiday season with Mikayla. For us it was fabulous. We could enjoy things that we’ve watched others enjoy for years. My parents could enjoy things they’ve had to watch other grandparents enjoy for years. I’m really trying to put into words the experience but words fail me thoroughly.All I can say is that on the 2nd of November I could never have imagined that I would have what I have now, even on the morning of the 7th of November, even though her nursery was set up and waiting, the reality of it all still puzzled me but here we are.

New years eve, just before midnight, we went to watch the fireworks on the beach. Since we are not the party and big group types, this was magical. It felt like a new tradition had started with the 3 of us. We exited 2017 as 3 and entered 2018 as 3, as it should be. We are blessed beyond belief and thankful every day that we get to experience the love of this little person.

Mikayla wheighs a hefty 4.75 as of yesterday, not surprising as she is a marathon drinker. She turned 2 months old and decided that she does not like being on her stomach, so she flipped herself over every time she was due for tummy time. She knows I am Mamma and who’s Dadda. When she sees either one of us in the morning, she gives the biggest smile with the point of her tongue sticking out, her trademark, lol. She just unexpectedly laughed out loud, I don’t know why, but she does for no reason at all. I may have the baddest singing voice ever, but she does not mind because she is either laughing at me when I sing or she’s enjoying it! She recognises her Oupa and Ouma’s voices, she knows who her aunty Lollo is when we video call, because she gives the biggest grin when she sees her on the other side. When we do voice calls, she watches the phone and waits for the faces to come up, which is funny, because I can be on the phone for half an hour and she will continue watching and waiting for faces to come up. Best of all, she knows she belongs with us. She had a quick drive with my parents to my granmothers’ house and her face, when they drove away, made me want to cry. She was looking at us like, why are you there and why am I leaving and you are staying? Yep, no arguing anymore, that’s our baby, she knows she belongs here and we cannot imagine nor really remember what it was like without her.

In all honesty, this has shown us who the people are who care. 90% of the people we know has never even asked how she’s doing or how we’re doing. No effort are being made to come and see her, everyone expects me to bring her to them. I’m sorry, when everyone had their babies I showed up to their door, we did not request anyone to bring their child to our door. In many ways this has opened our eyes to many things. To family who won’t even acknowledge Mikayla but friends and aquantences are accepting and excited every time they see her. Nevertheless, she will always be blessed and loved by the few who really love and care for her without prejudice. She will only know love and acceptance, if it is up to the 2 of us, the ones who don’t care does not need to be acknowledged as her coming into our lives are forcing us to take note of who wants us in theirs.

Mikayla is honestly the cutest little thing and I’m not saying that because she is my little girl, she is. She is sweet and sensitive but she can also let you know when she is unhappy and in all honesty the girl is a proper Cape Town gimbah but we love her with parts of us we didn’t know existed and that’s all that she needs at this time in her life.

Now if we could only get the lazy ass social worker to do her part so the one who actually gets some work done, can do hers. We’re just praying for a smooth journey to give her a proper sense of belonging.

Till next time.

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An update

It seems I only remember about the blog when someone mentions it, bad Joy!!!
I would first like to post an update about Joy. She is healthy and back in school…all praise to God. 

As you can see, her hair is growing and all is good. Her brother (pictured) was her 100% match for a donor and all went well.

Now for family.

We have been having tons of issues regarding a family member and a narcissist, which is heartbreaking but we can’t do much about it except pray for a solution before it’s too late.

Now for our update.

We haven’t received the call yet but is eagerly waiting. We’ve been getting the nursery ready as best we can without putting everything up. We installed a new energy efficient window, floors, paint and some small stuff. For now, we are happy with how far we’ve come and can’t wait for what’s next with this special journey.

Still a work in progress but we’re getting there.

Till next time…

So this is happening again…

Today, I can’t tell you what my feelings are, because currently I myself am not sure.

We are walking the road of adoption again, this time in total ‘secrecy’. No one is aware of this. No one is aware of the new hoops we had to jump through, like seeing a phyciatrist, something neither of us has done before. That storie I will touch on later, as just to say not all of them are there to help.

Last Monday we delivered our paperwork. As I told Mark just this afternoon, it doesn’t feel like the first time did. The paperwork has been done so last minute, so sloppy, not my style at all. There was no stress involved, as of this afternoon I forgot that we had delivered the paperwork.

Just as I tried to order some prints to hang on the wall, I opened my emails and the first one is from our SW. Thank you for the paperwork and all your hard work and I will be presenting your file to the board this Friday, like in the day after tomorrow, like in FRIDAY, this Friday. That is not giving me enough time to stress and I say thank you. We will know by Monday what our fate is.

I did not shop, like last time. I did not tell everyone, like last time. I did not plan, like last time. I don’t want to be THAT EXTRMELY hurt, like last time. I pray that this time will be tears of Joy, but if it’s not then it will be okay, or so we tell ourselves. We are still standing, but it does not mean that a NO won’t knock us down, it will and I guess it would knock us harder since we jumped so high for them this time.

I always thank God for what he is placing in our lives. I always say, ask once in prayer and thank Him everyday for what you asked there after. Some times I feel so defeated and then I ask again, I cry and I beg. Then I remember to thank and I thank Him. I wait for His timimg. We do what we can and we pray and hope for the best. I mean, He did send us a personalised message a few years ago. How can I still doubt?

So, we had to go through this process again without any support. Aside from us, only 6 people know and these are the people who we had to tell, because they are our employers, doctors and Reverand. No family, no friends, just each other. We know we can handle defeat again, but we can’t handle having to tell everyone that we were denied. I mean, what a happy day it will be when we get to tell everyone that we were approved, but lessons were learned from our previous 3 baby dissapointments and I don’t think we can have everyone hope and pray for us again and then hear a no.

Now, I am finally putting this down on ‘paper’, my way of just processing the past few months of a journey that we can’t give up on.

If we get a no, this post will never see the light of day, but a yes would enable me to share our story again and I do pray that we can share our story again.

Till next time…