An update

It seems I only remember about the blog when someone mentions it, bad Joy!!!
I would first like to post an update about Joy. She is healthy and back in school…all praise to God. 

As you can see, her hair is growing and all is good. Her brother (pictured) was her 100% match for a donor and all went well.

Now for family.

We have been having tons of issues regarding a family member and a narcissist, which is heartbreaking but we can’t do much about it except pray for a solution before it’s too late.

Now for our update.

We haven’t received the call yet but is eagerly waiting. We’ve been getting the nursery ready as best we can without putting everything up. We installed a new energy efficient window, floors, paint and some small stuff. For now, we are happy with how far we’ve come and can’t wait for what’s next with this special journey.

Still a work in progress but we’re getting there.

Till next time…

So this is happening again…

Today, I can’t tell you what my feelings are, because currently I myself am not sure.

We are walking the road of adoption again, this time in total ‘secrecy’. No one is aware of this. No one is aware of the new hoops we had to jump through, like seeing a phyciatrist, something neither of us has done before. That storie I will touch on later, as just to say not all of them are there to help.

Last Monday we delivered our paperwork. As I told Mark just this afternoon, it doesn’t feel like the first time did. The paperwork has been done so last minute, so sloppy, not my style at all. There was no stress involved, as of this afternoon I forgot that we had delivered the paperwork.

Just as I tried to order some prints to hang on the wall, I opened my emails and the first one is from our SW. Thank you for the paperwork and all your hard work and I will be presenting your file to the board this Friday, like in the day after tomorrow, like in FRIDAY, this Friday. That is not giving me enough time to stress and I say thank you. We will know by Monday what our fate is.

I did not shop, like last time. I did not tell everyone, like last time. I did not plan, like last time. I don’t want to be THAT EXTRMELY hurt, like last time. I pray that this time will be tears of Joy, but if it’s not then it will be okay, or so we tell ourselves. We are still standing, but it does not mean that a NO won’t knock us down, it will and I guess it would knock us harder since we jumped so high for them this time.

I always thank God for what he is placing in our lives. I always say, ask once in prayer and thank Him everyday for what you asked there after. Some times I feel so defeated and then I ask again, I cry and I beg. Then I remember to thank and I thank Him. I wait for His timimg. We do what we can and we pray and hope for the best. I mean, He did send us a personalised message a few years ago. How can I still doubt?

So, we had to go through this process again without any support. Aside from us, only 6 people know and these are the people who we had to tell, because they are our employers, doctors and Reverand. No family, no friends, just each other. We know we can handle defeat again, but we can’t handle having to tell everyone that we were denied. I mean, what a happy day it will be when we get to tell everyone that we were approved, but lessons were learned from our previous 3 baby dissapointments and I don’t think we can have everyone hope and pray for us again and then hear a no.

Now, I am finally putting this down on ‘paper’, my way of just processing the past few months of a journey that we can’t give up on.

If we get a no, this post will never see the light of day, but a yes would enable me to share our story again and I do pray that we can share our story again.

Till next time…

D Day 29.11.13

FRIDAY, 29 NOVEMBER 2013

D Day

On Friday ,08 November 2013 around 10am,I receive the e-mail we’ve been waiting for. “YOUR APPLICATION HAS BEEN DENIED”

Yes,we were waiting for news,but were not expecting that news! I broke down crying,calling Mark at work and he came straight home. The gut punch was this,when receiving the mail,I was busy taking stock of our baby purchases,to see what else we need.

He came home,we didnt talk,just cried. I mean,what was there to say at that moment? Calming down,we immediately went into survival mode ‘what do we do now?’

I contacted a few private SW’s and they all want to know the same thing “why were you denied?” A question we could not answer,we dont know if Magdalena Huis will ever answer us,so what now?

Calling my mother,she asked what about surrogacy ? Now that is a costly one,but we’ll get to that maybe today,maybe some other time.

Now we are against the wall,everyone wants to know WHY. Our family,friends and even our doctors cannot understand how they came to the decision. Theze are ppl who are in regular contact with us,but the ones who’s neva met us decided that we are not fit to be parents.

So finaly I get an answer back and it says that the committee was concerned about our LIFESTYLE,our physical,emotional and spiritual well being. Is that not everything about us? What is SO wrong with our lifestyle? We are happily married for 6 years,with a normal dinamic. Yes,we have a health issue each,but we are taking care to control it. I dont believe our emotional or spiritual state ia anything less than normal. So what about us caused a decision to be made aganst us?

All we wanted was a baby to love and take care of. We jumped through all the hoops and waisted a whole year in the process. Our hearts are broken and we feel like we failed that little baby who we’ve been e for so patiently.

So,we’ve decided to take a year for ourselves. We’ve been consumed with having a baby for almost 7 years straight ,in the process forgetting everything else. We. passed so Many oppertunities because very year would be the year that. we have our baby. Well no baby for 2014. We will be working on our home,studies,traveling,living.  It will be  our off year,so to speak. We will explore our optiond again as 2015 is apon us,God willing,but for now  2014 will be our baby free year.

Everything has taken so much emotionaly from us,we just want to tske a break ang gather ourselves. Making this decision may seem as if the adoption has not affected us to the outside world,but it is because it’s affecting us so much that we need to ke some time for ourselves and just live a little.

I dont know when or if I’ll b back here,but the journey will always continue until we breath our last breath.

Till next time…

It’s over and done with 02.11.13

SATURDAY, 2 NOVEMBER 2013

It’s over and done with

Friday was the board sitting for our adoption application. I’m guessing it happened,because I did not hear anything from them again. The decision was made and there’s nothing to be done about it now. We just have to wait  until we hear from our SW about what the outcome was. She has got nothing to do with the final decision,all she could do was tell them about her experience with us and the impression she had of us. That would be the second SW job too and I felt positive about our meetings with both of them. I’m just hoping and praying for god news this coming week.

I was,and still am,so nervous!!! Friday I received a ton of msgs from friends just with one question – het julle nog niks gehoor nie? Laat weet my sodra hulle laat weet!!! (have yu heard anything yet? Let me know as soon as they contact you!!!) It melted my heart and made me more nervous at the same time. One msg even came all the way from Italy!!! Just shows that we do have many people in our corner,praying with us for this life changing change to happen. Many of these people dont even remember when my birthday is,thank you facebook,but they remembered that the decision was being made on Friday. Realy,realy heart warming. IF SOMEDAY YOU GET TO READ MY BLOG,THANK YOU,YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I PRAY THAT ALL THE GOOD FAVOUR MAY BE RETURNED ON YOUR LIVES. MWAH MY FRIENDS!!!

Seriously now,the next time I come here will be to post the results…either way,it”s going to change our lives.

Till next time…

My nerves knows no end… 29.11.13

TUESDAY, 29 OCTOBER 2013

My nerves knows no end…

Our board sitting was supposed to be last Friday. The SW let me know that the psychologist had to have an operation and now the sitting would b postponed till 1 November. That wud b this Friday. Now that it’s only 2 days away,I am a ball of nerves.  I am so fed up with myself,I dont know what to do!!! The reality is setting in that strangers will be deciding our fate. They dont know us at all,is that good or bad,and yet they will decide the course of our lives on Friday.It wont go the way many others go,where they themselves decide what time is the right time. This is out of our hands. We did the best we could on our end up until this point. All I know is,even though a group of strangers will be deciding if we are fit to be parents,our God will be at the head of that table,taking charge of that meeting and doing what He thinks is best. I could not ask for a better person to be in charge,so now that I think about it,they wont all be strangers. There will be one person I know and He knows us better than anyone out there!!! Thank you Lord,our trust is in you!!!

Here’s to praying for good news,little angel baby,we’re waiting for you!!!

Till next time…

1 Step closer!!! 07.10.13

MONDAY, 7 OCTOBER 2013

1 Step Closer!!!

So my birthday has come and gone. I have officialy fallen of the calender,even though I was trying to hold on very tight!!! It’s always very uneventfull,since moving from Cape Town. Just me and Hubby for the day. He makes me breakfast(gets better every year),we lunch and supper out. This year when we turned up at the eatery,it was so full on a Thursday eve,that we ended up at WIMPY!!! The pats 4 years he has been working nightshift on my bday,but he always manages to get the day (night) off,making at least one of my weeks shorter!!!

Now to get to the important stuff!!! Our SW contacted me on Friday. The local Sw assured her that he would be here for our home visit on Oct 2nd. Now she just wants to know if he had indeed showed up. Well,he didnt. I made a call to his office on Friday morning and he didnt get back to me. Saturday evening just after 6,while we are heading out to go have my missed bday dinner,there’s a knock at the door. What do you know,It’s mr Errol Peterson!!!Very casualy dressed and friendly. That moment there was no time to panick,the house is kind of a mess,with blankets all over the couch. Dining room table still has my birthday stuff all over it,accompanied by my scrapbooking and Santa Shoebox goodies. Imagine my horror. You have this picture that everything will be perfect when they show up,and now THIS!!!Also,he washere on Thursday,while we were out.

He came in,sat down,asked a few questions about us,the neighbours,the area,the house,the adoption and off he went!!! That’s it,no walking,checking,nothing. He left with us feeling very positive. He assured us that he will be reporting back today and that according to him,everything looks good. Fingers crossed.We left the house in shock and disbelief,hunger gone,I forgot my wallet at home,just plain deurmekaar after that visit. I guess the adrenalin kicked in,but we were on cloud nine!!!Thank you mr Peterson,I thought you were gonna b full af crap and attitude,because of all the calls during these last 4 months!!!

On 25 Oct,we will be included in the group that goes infront of the board to decide if it’s yay or nay…We’ll talk again then!!!

Till next time…

A lighter heart! 18.07.13

THURSDAY, 18 JULY 2013

A lighter heart!

I was so frustrated at not knowing whats going on,then yesterday I had a change of heart.

I prayed and asked God to take control. I will let go of my anxieties to let Him take his rightfull place as leader of our lives. I almost immediately felt as if a wheight has been lifted. For too long I’v been trying to control my life!
So today I checked my e-mails amd there was just one. I got angry and thought it was these chain mails again. To my suprise it was our SW!!! Now I was scared to read it. Was it good news,bad news or just news?

She just wants to confirm that all is still well. Our local SW is swamped with work,but has agreed to do our home visit,when he gets a chance to.

My heart rejoiced!!! We are still on the books,but mostly because God has shown ma favour! He listened and showed me that I should not doubt Him. All I can say is THANK YOU LORD!!!

Till next time..